I drank last night . . . I haven’t drunk in a while, since I’ve demonized the habit a bit. Actually, I haven’t even demonized it; I’ve just realized I feel better without it.
Anyway, I wasn’t planning on drinking, but my friends convinced me. And it was a good time. I think it’s good to let go every now and then . . . I think those who can’t let go are in a prison of their own.
Yesterday was a good day. I worked, wrote my newsletter, despaired at my loss of X followers, landed a quick editing gig for my buddy, went to the beach, walked a good couple of miles, and partied hard.
Oh, and I fucking dominated the pool table. Won two games out of nowhere. The first game was especially crazy: the other team was on the final 8 ball while we had five or six left on the table. It was my turn—our last shot at winning. I knocked ‘em all in and corner-pocketed the 8.
It’s been a tad cloudy these past couple of days. And weird clouds, too—real wispy, not super distinct. Feels a bit like fall. Summer will be here soon, though.
I have a lot of things on my mind pulling me away from the present. School is one of them, but it’s mostly my family. Family situations are always hard. I feel bad for feeling troubled by them sometimes, but I think it’s just a reality every kid endures.
We want to be able to care and be there for our loved ones, but we also want to see the world and be off on our own. Some kids choose to stay home, others choose to depart. Either way, you’re sacrificing something. Striking a balance is not easy; it’s more like rocket science.
I just don’t like Chicago. Especially when it’s put up against a place like Charleston. Like, how could I ever leave this subtropical paradise? Am I selfish for not being with my family so I may build a life out here?
It certainly feels selfish sometimes. Does the fact that I admit this selfishness absolve me of my sin? Is this even a sin? To do what I’ve always wanted to do? It certainly depends, doesn’t it?
My family is doing well, but they also suffer sometimes. I won’t get into the details, but I know it’d be better for them if I were there more often. And I will be there as much as I can. Home will always be Naperworld.
I think it’s easier to leave the people you love if you know they’re gonna be alright. We want to be there, especially when people aren’t so alright. In such a disconnected world, it’s hard to be okay with leaving your family, because communities aren’t as communal as they once were.
I remember one of my Moroccan teammates telling me one time how their community looks out for everyone. If neighbors know a kid went to the States—as he did—they make more effort to care for the family.
But the States are a lonely place. Everyone is so distanced. I hope this trend reverses. Pickleball is certainly serving its part in this mission.