5/10 Journal

The weirdness of graduating college and the necessity of following my intuition

I graduate college today.

It’s not been so interesting a week. I guess, in this way, it’s been a little weird. 

I haven’t felt much at all.

Are you supposed to feel much in times like these?

It’s raining today, and my graduation is supposed to be outside, in the Cistern. And I very much hope it remains outside because the Cistern is one of the most beautiful several acres in all of Charleston.

The backup is the TD Arena, and I don’t love basketball. But, I guess, who cares?

My family is in town, and I’ve made it through college. 

Perhaps the rain, like rain on a wedding day, is a sign of good luck. 

I’m getting very excited for the summer. I was actually quite worried about it this week . . . Am I really gonna live in a van?

For some reason, the rain these past few days has settled my worries. And now, in fact, I look forward more than ever to living in a van. 

I just need to find one. 

Isn’t that weird? How the rain has settled my worries about living in a van? I suspect it’s got something to do with the heat. 

It does indeed get very hot out here. And trying to sleep in that thing is gonna be a challenge. But I don’t think it’ll be all that hard to find a way to cool the inside. There’s gotta be some sort of portable AC unit, and then I’ll get a fan, and I’ll be good to go.

Plus, I won’t be sleeping in the van every day. I’ll mostly be on friend’s couches and air mattresses. At least when I’m not on the road. 

I think what most excites me about this pending adventure is the freedom . . . And it is also what most scares me.

There is nothing to which I am bound. 

This is good and all at first, but the freedom wears off really quickly. I mean, how long is it into summer break before you start feeling excited to return to the community of school again? 

I know I always looked forward to going back to school. All my friends are there!

You see, this freedom is great, but the world is a lonely place. The good parts of life—the ones we love—come with a responsibility. And just because it’s a pain in the ass sometimes doesn’t mean it’s not worth bearing.

I’m after this freedom, but I know it could very easily become a nihilistic burden of its own. 

I don’t know if this will actually become the case because I will be visiting other people as much as possible, if not always.

I’m certain many things will go wrong, but I don’t think these will cause me very much suffering because “An adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.”

And I pride myself in rightly considering inconveniences.

At the end of the day, though, none of these concerns matter because living in a van is something I’ve always wanted to do and, therefore, must do, because I would not be living life properly if I did not listen to my intuition.