5/14 Journal
The more free we are, the more excited we may live
Is it worth writing if you are not inspired?
I don’t know. Actually, I do know. I think me saying I don’t know is just a filler phrase . . . Me thinking as I write.
No, of course, it’s better to write even if you’re not inspired, just like it’s better to go to the gym even if you don’t want to.
Because you are not only instilling a discipline—a habit—of doing something over and over again, thereby making you into some unwavering beast, but you’re pushing through the start, which is always the hardest, giving yourself the momentum to find something, or create something, or live by something, that is inspiring.
Just as I have now.
Right now, I feel excited.
Not in an ecstatic sort of way, but in an I’m standing at the forefront of an adventure sort of way.
Right now, the world is my oyster.
I’ve spent the past two weeks or so celebrating my graduation from college. It’s all been lovely, and I’ve had a true ball. Really, it’s been a dream.
The ups, the downs, all of it was worth it. Everything I have now—which is really the people and experiences I’ve found in this journey—came together in the most beautiful of fashions these past two weeks.
My family came into town for graduation, and though there were some stressful moments, it ended on a good note.
We went to dinner at the place we always went to when we first started coming out here, and we stayed at the place on the island we first stayed at when we came out here. It all tied together really well.
I woke up this morning at the hotel on the island feeling like shit, having not drunk any water before I went to bed because my brother drank all mine, and I won’t drink water from the tap.
My parents said goodbye to me at 4 am because they were driving all the way back to Chicago today.
I went back to bed and woke up still feeling like shit.
I got ready and got all my shit together, drove to the nearest gas station, got some water, and then upon gulping, felt much better
Then I got back on the road and was about to take the faster way back over the connector through the mainland, but decided to take the scenic route, and so pulled a u-turn before I could get on the connector and headed through Sullivan’s island, at which point it started pouring.
It was indeed a very beautiful drive back to the city because the rain settled me, as it typically does.
And now I’m sitting here in this cafe that my friend works at, with a college degree, and unlimited potential to do whatever the hell I want with my life.
I have a couple thousand in the bank, no debt, and about 2 weeks to find a van before I must move out of my apartment.
You know, I love school and all, of course, not for what I learned, as I didn’t learn much, but for, as I said, the people and experiences it brought into my life.
And it’s like these people were brought into my life so I could enjoy life with them only once school was over.
Because it’s so hard to enjoy life when there is this perpetual burden. When you always have something not that you want to do but that you must do, everything becomes a race to the next thing.
This is why summers are so great. The weather helps too, but the great thing about summer is that you get all the good—the people and the experiences—without the burden.
It’s a time of utter freedom. And it is this freedom that makes life so great. And it is this freedom that people believe is not possible because they think they must work a job. And so because they think freedom is only truly available a few weeks a year—whenever their job gives them “vacation days,”—they come to loathe their life and so turn to pleasure in their free time rather than fulfillment because pleasure is easier than fulfillment, and they want to distract themselves from the reality of their situation.
I don’t know, I’m generalizing and exaggerating here. It is true, of course, but it’s more subtle.
Now I have this opportunity to be completely free. And that is the excitement I’m talking about. I could literally do anything. And while the potential of this excitement is often more exciting than what actually ends up happening, I’m now more versed in adventure:
I know how to actually do things that are cool and fun, and I follow through on them—which is key.
I’m not saying this van life thing is going to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I am very excited by the fact that anything could happen; something new could happen every single day.
It’s not going to be easy, by any means, but I don’t think good things ever come easy, and that’s why most people never live in a van or travel the world. They’re all talk.
And this is what I mean when I say I'm more versed in adventure. I’m not all talk. I can imagine something and actually make it happen.
This is by far one of the most valuable skills one could possess. Because the vast majority of people are indeed all talk. They want to do this and that, but something always always always holds them back from doing it.
And then, when they finally do it, they don’t enjoy it because they think it’s supposed to be perfect the first time, or the second time, or the tenth time. They are unwilling, not patient enough, to endure the years of failure.
And so this is why patience is the most valuable virtue, because it grants persistence. And without persistence, not much other than what’s immediately before you is possible.
It is only those who are willing to wait that ever get to the gold.
And everyone always says that waiting is bad—that you must take action—but this is not what patience is. Patience is not inaction. It is instead persistent effort regardless of immediate outcome.
It is the ability to chip away at a mountain, knowing the mountain will not come down, knowing you won’t get to the gold for a good long time, but that you will eventually, and it matters not when.
