This is a very insecure post, but I must share it.
It’s hard to write interesting stuff when there’s not a lot of interesting stuff going on.
Actually, I don’t know if it’s fair to say there hasn’t been a lot of interesting stuff going on. I’d say quite the opposite is true. But, for some reason, life doesn’t always feel all that interesting.
This must reflect an internal condition.
I don’t know what I’d define interesting as. I’d say it certainly depends on the perceiver of the interesting or disinteresting. Perhaps, to some, a rock could be interesting.
But I will not be lit up by a rock. I find the most interesting and exciting things always happen in relation to other people. I think things that concern other souls are most interesting. And I think this is because these things are shared.
Life is always more exciting with other people around. It must be the right sort of people . . . The people who are rugged and durable, the people who just don’t care about other people’s opinions, the people who can be entirely content on their own but also completely socially adept. The sort of people who are willing to take risks but also don’t make you feel like you’re losing control.
These are the people that make life interesting. To them, opportunity is always lurking. To them, something new could always arise. They are down for adventure, do not judge, and are capable of enduring whatever the adventure throws their way.
I’ve always wondered how I may find more of this adventure I so crave. There are objective ways to live more adventurously.
Whenever I see other people doing “adventurous” things on social media, I feel like anything I could ever do wouldn’t surmount the coolness of the things they’re doing. I don’t know why, nor do I know how, but I do.
It seems there are some people in this world to whom adventurous opportunities flock. And it seems to me—or has seemed—that I will simply never be that person.
But I think there is a simple explanation for this, and I’ll soon be able to test my theory.
It’s all got to do with doing what you want to do. I feel like I’m not living that adventurous life for one simple reason: I’m not! I’m not doing the things I’ve always dreamt of doing. I’m instead stuck in an apartment in a city. This is not the life I’ve always wanted to live.
But that’s a lie! I’ve always wanted to live in Charleston. And there are plenty of moments where I do feel like I’m living the life I’ve dreamt of.
It is also true that the life I want right now isn’t exactly the life I’m living.
I think I need to explore this topic more deeply in a future post.
Maybe I just need to chill the fuck out.