It’s been an interesting 24 hours.
They say good writing includes a lot of detail, but I’ve never been one for small-picture stuff.
Unless that is, I’m cleaning. You know, I think this comes down to functionality. I just want things to do their job. Just geter’ done.
I always struggle to try and force myself to write in certain ways. They just feel so unnatural. I don’t know if that means, however, that it’s simply not for me—that I should just write how I like to write—or if I must make a deliberate effort to become a better writer and expand my vocabulary.
Probably a bit of both, as always.
It’s just that some things bore me while others invigorate me. I think this is true for anyone in any case. Certain conversations will cause someone to tire and yawn, while another, just a minute or two later, will awaken and enliven.
Does that mean that we should only focus on the things that invigorate? Or does it mean that we are just lazy with the things we don’t care about and are asswipes for not caring?
I don’t know. It’s certainly more complicated sometimes. But some things are more objectively boring, and that’s just how it is. Like my writing right now—it is very boring. I’m just sifting through shit.
I do have some interesting ideas on the docket, and I have, as depicted yesterday in my journal, uplifted that lack of excitement that started to, yet again, tie me down.
This whole excitement thing is very peculiar. It really seems to dictate my reality. Because I’m such a conquesting sort of guy, I struggle to be content when I see no potential for greatness in the future.
And I don’t know if this is how I should be or if it’s an acquired symptom of Westernism.
There are moments in which I can be content, but it is usually after something has happened.
I can’t just wake up and sit under a tree all day, meditating my life away.
Many philosophies, at their core, advocate for this being okay with everything that happens to you way of being.
I’m struggling to write well today. It’s hard to focus right now.
It’s frustrating to have an idea that seems so promising but that you can’t get to the core of. You know, all my writing problems originate from desire.
Any time I want to get to something, I undermine all the quality I’ve ever had. And whenever I, as I recently heard someone say on a podcast, “bleed onto the page,” everything is good.
I don’t think this approach works for everyone. Many people must write toward an end . . . Like if they have a branded blog or something.
But I still really think these people can so too bleed onto the page because they do not have to work to figure out what they want to say. Their mission is clear, and so they can write far more intuitively.
I think when your mission is clear, it’s easier to write certain things. And perhaps that’s why I’m struggling . . . My mission isn’t exactly clear. And I don’t know if I want it to be. It does indeed feel like I’m boxing myself in if I were to write a branded newsletter.
The only brand I’d like to specialize in is myself. And isn’t it okay to write whatever you want to write? I think so.
In fact, there’s not much else I’m too expert in that I’d be able to write and entertain upon.