The most depressing part of my day, by far, is the time I spend at home.
When I say depressing, I don't mean that I always feel "down," but that if there is a negativity in my life, it will most easily find me when I'm home and alone.
Better yet, I'm far more likely to invent or make space for a negativity when I'm home and alone.
Being alone when you're out in the world—walking the streets, sitting in cafes, going to the gym—is different from being alone in your house—a box—closed off from the world around.
The walls of a house serve to disjoint. Though you may be only 20 or 30 feet from your neighbor, it is very likely that you never meet them and, at the very least, hardly see them.
Of course, it's not like I loathe or am terrified of being home alone. I do not feel this way every day nor is it always as excruciating as my language makes it out to be.
And in fact, there are many days when I enjoy my time alone in the house.
But I do notice that, on many days, spending too much time alone in the house can lead me to certain misconceptions about my true condition.
I may, for example, have a wonderful day at the beach with my friends and, upon returning home alone, will quickly switch to feeling as though I've never truly known a single soul.
Now, I'm not saying this experience isn't a reflection of some sort of malfunction within . . . There are certainly things I could do to uplift my mental health. In other words, my negative feelings aren't necessarily the house's fault.
But I also know I'm not alone in this experience. I know other people feel the same way.
No matter how hard we meditate, no matter how mindful we become, because we are human, we will always feel those tinges of "depression" when we're shut away from the world.
I don't think it's such a bad thing, either. I don't think it necessarily reflects some sort of defect within. I think, actually, it's a good thing.
I think it means we can't do it alone—that we are indeed human and depend on others to thrive.
I think, too, that if we feel this way, we must not accept it ("it" being our society's lifestyle) as normal just because it's standard. We must not shoulder all the blame, because it is, regardless of our condition, a consequence of things outside of us.
In self-evolution, many things must, of course, be adjusted within. But we can't expect to be able to be whatever we want regardless of the state of our environment.
We are biological entities whose regulatory processes interact intimately with our surroundings.
It is foolish of us to say every feeling we experience is a mere reflection of what's going on within.
If we feel lonely, perhaps it's not because we hate ourselves or because we've lost touch with reality or because we're peering through the wrong lens, but because we are objectively more alone and should seek out more and deeper connections.
For now, I'm sick of living in an apartment.
I'm an introvert, and I need my time alone, but every second more I spend alone in my apartment is a second more I feel I'm not living life as a human is designed to live.
Health is, of course, my top priority (because without good health, nothing else is possible), but I'm done prioritizing work over family and friends.
We only work so much because we think we need things to be happy. A bigger house, a better car, a nicer wardrobe.
In reality, we are on this planet to serve others, not just ourselves, or some corporation.
The Western individualistic work culture sets work above relationships, and it's ruining us.
Now, more than ever, Americans need to come together.
Our world has become so lonely that hundreds of people are taking their lives every single day.
It's time we reverse this trend.
It's not so simple, I know, but we can start small.
More campfire nights, more morning walks, more lunches with friends and family.
Let's stop investing so much in growth and instead buy into what lies before us. Let's make neighborhoods more communal; let's find ways to spend more time together and live how humans are designed to live.
I know some of these words are controversial, but I think, at the very least, individuals need to hear this.
Of course, this post won't change the system, but perhaps it'll help one person give more time to the things that matter.
In truth, I'm writing this to myself. What I've said is not my diagnosis of the world's illness but of my own.
If, like me, you've pushed people out because you think you need more "stuff" to be happy, please reconsider.
There is hardly much more to life than the people with whom you share it.
