Why Hopelessness Is A Sign You're On The Right Path

How to shift your perception of failure (and of everyone who seems to be doing so well all the time)

You’ve decided to chase your dream and start a business.

First, you need to start a website.

So, you open a WordPress account and get started.

You don’t exactly know what you’re doing, but you manage to build a site that looks relatively professional.

It’s hard work, and you find yourself getting frustrated because you realize how much you don’t know, but you’re happy that you’re finally starting a business.

Then you reach an impasse; you’ve been running paid ads for a month, but made zero sales. 

Annoyed, you tell your friend what’s going on. They retort,

“Yeah, that market is saturated. Online business is a scam. And why would you want to start a business? You have a good job right now! Why not keep doing that? Relax, man! You’re young. We’re going out tonight, anyway.”

Feeling deflated, you start to think your dream isn’t as achievable as you once thought . . . 

You go out that night, trying not to think much about your frustrations.

The next day, you shut down the website, refund your WordPress plan, and return to your job.

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Hopeless experiences stop people from achieving their dreams. 

Why? 

It’s simple: because they give up.

You can’t accomplish something if you don’t persist in its pursuit.

Most people have tried starting a business (or pursuing some sort of dream) and given up because they didn’t persist through their first couple of hopeless experiences.

They became instantly overwhelmed, believing they were so far behind they might as well quit, instead of realizing they’d simply encountered their first learning experience.

To overcome hopelessness, reframe failure

To overcome hopeless experiences, you must see them for what they are, not how they make you feel.

Instead of trying to barrel through failure, it’s more effective to alter your perspective.

Quite often, you’ll see a hard-working person try to push through failure like it's a heavy weight they’re lifting. 

They think by gritting their teeth and muscling forward, they’ll eventually succeed (and perhaps they’re right). 

But wouldn’t it just be easier to remove the negative stigma of failure? To see it as the next step forward instead of a mighty push against life itself?

Thomas Edison supposedly once said something like,

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.

Most people have heard (and agreed with) something like Edison’s wisdom. 

In other words, if asked whether they’d quit because they failed, most people would say no . . . They’d say they’d keep moving forward.

But in reality, almost all would quit.

See no results from the gym? They quit. See no growth on social media? They quit. See no sales from their new business? They quit. 

And so forth.

Most people would verbally agree with ideas like Edison’s, but wouldn’t act accordingly when they encounter failure.

Why?

Because they don’t actually believe failure is progress; they’re just retorting things they’ve heard. 

And the reason they don’t believe failure is progress is because they don’t understand why failure is progress.

You see, you could try telling yourself failure is okay, but unless you understand why, you’ll still be put down within. 

To overcome hopeless experiences, you need to be fueled by them; you need actually to see them as progress.

Why hopeless experiences are signs of progress

Reason #1: failure = learning

This first part is pretty obvious . . .

The only way to learn is through failure because the only way to get good at something is through repetition (because, as detailed in the last letter, we are what we repeatedly do).

To get good at something through repetition, you must first be willing to be bad (meaning you’ll fail a lot). 

But you probably haven’t considered this:

The mental experiences that come with failure (frustration, overwhelm, hopelessness, etc.) are a sign of progress because they are a consequence of you pushing your limits.

Just as you are sore and tired after a good workout (physical growth), you are overwhelmed and frustrated after a learning experience (mental growth).

And if you aren’t ever overwhelmed, it means you’re not growing.

Something that is frustrating today will become easier tomorrow. Your body will adapt.

If you’re confused because you’re on a “self-improvement” journey, but everyone around you seems so much more content (and you think you should be more content because you’re trying to make your life better, and they’re not), it’s not because you’re doing something wrong.

It’s because you’re pushing the limits of your mind.

Over time, you will reap the benefits of your struggles. You will become more able to deal with things that others won’t. You just need to give it time.

People who are only ever successful exude a successful appearance. But when shit hits the fan, they shrivel in overwhelm; you, on the other hand, rise to the occasion because you’ve built your mind.

Reason #2: your environment resists your change

Everything is one; everything is connected. 

Your environment knows you for who you currently are. 

Specifically, the people in your life have a particular conception of you. 

Recall the example from the introduction of this post:

Your friends said, “Why would you want to start a business? You have a good job right now! Why not keep doing that?”

They’re content with the version of you that you currently are. Not just because they’re happy for you, but because they have a stronger sense of self within when you don’t change. 

Think about how you would feel if your environment spontaneously started changing. 

It’d spook you a little, wouldn’t it?

You like things how they are now, don’t you?

You see, change is scary. Of course, change can be good (just as it can be bad).

But most people resist change. And that’s why most people don’t achieve great things. 

Most people are average. Literally. That’s what average is.

I’m not saying this to put people down, but to show you that most people are uncomfortable with change and will subtly resist your change.

If you aren’t content with your life and you craft a vision (as discussed in the previous post) and begin pursuing that vision, you’re doing something the vast majority of people will never do.

As you start progressing, you’re going to build newer, more healthy habits. You’re going to change. 

And because most of your environment resists change, it will try to discourage your change. 

If you and your friends used to party every weekend, and you realized that partying prevents you from realizing your vision, they’re going to give you a hard time for not going out. 

They may even accuse you of being selfish (or worse).

Discouraging experiences are signs of your change. When you feel people trying to hold you back, that means you’re moving forward, and they’re not. 

The only people who will support your progress are people who are on the same journey as you.

And ultimately, those are the people you want to surround yourself with. 

So the next time you feel your environment trying to hold you back, take it as a sign that you’re on the right path.

Until next time,

RB