Why you need to get to know yourself
And why most people lack self-knowledge
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
- Matthew 7:7-8
I’ve been writing for five years.
Only in these past several weeks, after deciding to put more effort into marketing, have I earnestly contemplated why my writing is valuable.
Why should people read my work? What value do my words bring to their life? To my life?
You’d think that after five years, I could articulate, in deity-tier detail, what I write about and why people should read my newsletter.
But it turns out that most things only come to you if you seek them out—if you’re intentional about their cultivation.
While I’ve written a ton, I’ve not actually given a whole lot of effort to selling my work since I was under the impression that good things come to those who wait and that, therefore, my words would sell themselves when the time was right.
I don’t know why I ever believed that shit. Perhaps because I watched too many Disney movies as a kid.
I’ve basically been sitting on the ground expecting a big apple tree to spontaneously sprout before my eyes without ever having touched, let alone planted an apple seed!
In reality, good things hardly ever come to those who wait. At least to those who wait without taking action.
A more true statement would be: “Good things come to those who wait in the meantime while they’re giving it their best shot every single frickin day.”
We hear many stories about luck, about how life did good to somebody who was patient. Be it at work, in love, or with the most randomly incredible opportunity—there exists a subtly widespread belief that things just happen.
I call bullshit. Not that that stuff doesn’t happen, but that stories (especially movies, which are typically only about 2 hours long) tend to leave out a lot of the monotonous detail . . . The repetitive stuff that fosters luck.
My friend recently gifted me The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Clason. Here’s what it says about luck:
I wrote today’s post for two reasons:
To clarify for myself exactly what I write about and why my work is valuable
To take my first intentional step towards selling my work
Let’s see how long it takes for me to “get lucky.”
So, what did I learn about my writing in these several weeks of contemplation?
I’ve known for a while that, by writing, what I’m ultimately doing is building “self-knowledge.” But what is self-knowledge, and why is it so important?
What is self-knowledge?
To know yourself is, in the same way you know any other human, to have a relationship with yourself. The more you know yourself, the stronger your connection within.
But what are the implications of self-knowledge? In other words, why does it matter?
Self-knowledge is to the mind what physical health is to the body. Yes, I am saying that self-knowledge is, at least in one important way, akin to mental health.
Why?
Because the main cause of mental suffering (not including physical causes like poor nutrition, lack of sleep, or insufficient exercise) is obscurity. When we lack clarity within, not only are we more vulnerable to the throes of our emotions, but we come to live in chronically negative states because our psychological existence feels threatened.
You see, in any conflict, you’re much safer when you can see your adversary; it’s what you can’t see that almost always poses the greatest threat. And so, that which lurks behind the fog of obscurity is what disturbs us the most.
Cultivating self-knowledge is simply the process of illuminating and clarifying these obscurities so you can face and resolve them.
Isn’t it weird how powerful it is just to shine a light on something? How different things are when they’re seen? What is it about saying something, being truthful about what’s really going on, that’s so powerful?
For one, truth is a starting point. No progress can be made if the truth remains veiled. But is there more? Is there something deeper? Something greater? Because the truth is not just a starting point. In many ways, it is also the endpoint. The place at which we’re all laboring to arrive. There is, indeed, something relieving about the truth. It makes the world lighter, not so heavy, not so burdensome.
Is it because we are narrative beings? Because we use stories to make sense of the world? And that a story cannot make sense if the truth is not revealed? This must be the case. I think we desperately need things to make sense. It’s a sort of psychological survival mechanism. We feel safe when things make sense.
What are the benefits of self-knowledge?
Clarity has proven, by far, one of the most potent antidotes to my suffering.
Not only does it foster a sense of safety—which is, by the way, the bedrock of a prosperous society (and, therefore, individual)—but it facilitates the transparent exchange of information between the conscious and the subconscious (yet another pillar of a healthy society).
But how, exactly, does clarity help me live better? What specific benefits have I observed?
To name a few:
Decreased impulsivity
The more you know yourself, the more intentional you may be. And the more intentional you are, the less impulsive you are (since intention and impulsivity lie on opposite ends of the same spectrum). Ultimately, self-awareness is the first step towards overcoming any sort of impulsive habit.
Decreased sense of loneliness
The degree to which you know yourself reflects the strength and depth of the connection you have with yourself. Therefore, the better a relationship you have with yourself—the more you understand yourself—the less lonely you’ll feel. Not to mention, the more confident you’ll be.
Improved communication skills
“Language opens doors to unexplored depths of your psyche.” In order to cultivate a relationship with yourself, you must cultivate your language capacity because language is the vehicle through which you make the unknown known (the subconscious conscious) . . . The medium through which understanding is fostered. Not only does language proficiency improve your ability to understand yourself, but it improves your ability to express yourself. And if you don’t already know, the ability to clearly and fully express yourself is one of the most important skills in life. Not only for your career and relationships but for the many small, seemingly insignificant moments throughout your day.
Improved quality of relationships
I find, time and time again, that the quality of a person’s relationship with others reflects the quality of that person’s relationship with their self. In other words, the more connected you are with yourself, the more connected you’ll be with others.
Increased positive emotions and gratitude
The more you illuminate and clarify obscurities, the more space you make for positive emotions. Since you’re no longer so worried about things you can’t see (past and future), you’re more centered in the present. And naturally, when you’re more present, you’re less stressed and more grateful.
Improved decision-making and problem-solving capacity
Because you’re more connected, you’re more sharp. Not only do you understand what you want, but you see the grand picture . . . You see where everything fits into place. As a result, then, your value hierarchy is much more clear, granting you an improved ability to prioritize and solve real-world problems.
Increased sense of purpose and connection to your environment
The more you know yourself, the more connected you will be to your surroundings, and the more you’ll understand your place and purpose in the world.
Increased resilience to and recovery from negative events and traumas
I compare self-knowledge to having a pliable body. The more pliable you are, the less prone you are to injury because when you are pliable, your muscle fascia is more connected, and not only do you maintain a greater range of motion, but any blow your body takes is absorbed by a greater area of your body, thereby decreasing your chances of acute injury. Furthermore, because your cells are healthier, you recover from any injury much faster.
Increased independence, originality, and, therefore, capacity for leadership
The more you know yourself, the more yourself you are. The more yourself you are, the more confident you are in your uniqueness and the more able you are to operate independently and lead others.
So, if self-knowledge is as awesome as I’m making it out to be, why don’t more people practice self-knowledge habits? I find three reasons:
Static worldviews. Most people believe, having never experienced deep, transformative shifts in their worldview, that the quality of their waking reality is permanent. Perhaps they’re traumatized, stressed, or lack self-belief, but because they’ve never experienced life another way, they are unaware of the fact that they are walking around with a big giant weight on their shoulders.
Lack of awareness. Setting aside how today’s conditions (economy, social media, culture, etc.) influence our mental health, the fact is that most people don’t know how to cultivate self-knowledge . . . Perhaps especially since we’ve largely turned away from actively engaging in media (most people are now watchers rather than readers; reading is a far more active form of engagement).
I want to say that we’re nearing the pinnacle of a multi-century-long journey toward optimal mental health, but it sometimes seems more the case that we’ve regressed, leaving behind certain time-tested standards. Regardless, just like many 20th-century humans may not have known as much about exercise, many 21st-century humans don’t know as much about self-knowledge habits.
Preference for the tangible. Since we live in such an externally and visually oriented society, and the mind is not as tangible as, for example, body weight or dental health, people are less likely to associate their quality of life with habits of their minds.
How can you cultivate self-knowledge?
Just like with physical health, there are a variety of ways to cultivate self-knowledge. Some are active, and many others are passive. Indeed, many that you may not first think of when you hear “self-knowledge” do, in fact, cultivate clarity within.
Everything from exercise to travel, to meditation, to playing a sport, to suffering the loss of a loved one can ultimately make us more aware of ourselves. In a way, the world is a mirror of what lies within.
However, the best way to bring something to life is to be intentional about its manifestation.
Reading and writing are the mental equivalents of nutrition and exercise. To build a strong and healthy mind, we must both take in nutritious information and push the bounds of our capabilities.
If you want to initiate progress in your self-knowledge journey, spending even just 10 minutes a day reading and writing will get you moving forward.
But if you want to take momentous steps forward, it always helps to learn from someone who’s walked your path. Not only to maintain accountability but also to expedite your learning process.
And for the cost of a single coffee at a slightly overpriced café per month, I can’t help but emphasize how much value you’re getting for so little a price—how high an ROI on so cheap an investment—by subscribing to my newsletter!
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